PhanFiction - Imperfections -
by Sbuna101
Summary: Dan is afraid of what Phil will think of him when he shows his true feelings.


PhanFiction  
Imperfections  
by Sbuna101

Dan sent out the tweet happy with the results. He had taken a picture of popcorn and tissues, telling everyone what movie Phil and him woud be starring at for two or so hours. Replies came flooding in, as they usually did.

danisnotonfire Good luck!

danisnotonfire Good thing you got the tissues.. lol

danisnotonfire If you don't cry you have no soul!

That's right. He had gone to see the Fault in Our Stars. He smiled then shut his phone off. The movie started.  
After a while of watching, Dan felt the tears come in.. He was trying so hard not too, but it was too late. he grabbed a tissue silently pouring out his soul, as to not disturb any movie goers.  
He looked over at Phil. His eyes were glistening, soft sniffles being heard from him. At least he had kept his composure, unlike Dan. He was still starring at Phil until he noticed. Catching his glance, and his silent sobbing, Phil lifted up the drink holder that seperated them. He pulled Dan's head onto his chest, letting him cry all over his shirt.  
It was so beautiful, the love and affection two people, two made up, people could show for eachother. Dan felt Phil looked at him, a sweet smile on his face.

The next morning, Dan woke up to Phil voice.  
"Dan.." Phil called. He had that hook in his voice he only did when something had gone wrong. Had he hurt himself accidently while making breakfast? Did he need an ambulance? Had he set the entire apartment on fire!? All these thoughts pumped into his brain. Dan knew how much his brain overanalyzed everything, so he tried to calm himself down as he ran to the lounge.  
There sat Phil on the couch, his feet sitting comfortably on the coffee table, his laptop next to him.  
"What's wrong?!" Dan almost yelled.  
"You're probably not gonna like this.." He said, grabbing his laptop and thrust it too me. Holding it, Dan saw what he meant. Someone had tweeted:

Evidence of phan :3 Good luck getting out of this one danisnotonfire AmazingPhil .

Under it was a picture. It almost looked like a completely black image, when he realized what it was. It was him, laying on Phil's chest, the both of them crying becasue of the emotional movie. He scrolled down looking at the replies that had come sweeping in.  
"How cute 3"  
"Perfect"  
"PHAN IS REAL"  
"Appears they enjoyed the movie ;)"

Phil knew how Dan felt about this whole "phan" thing. Even though he was the one who created it, he thought it would make things awkward between him and Phil. The two of them actually weren't dating. There were occasional cuddles during emotional or scary movies, and sometimes night were spent in the same bed because of a broken heater or bad dreams, but Dan feared that if anything got too awkward Phil would leave him or wouldn't love him back. Phil seemed to look at it differently though. He saw it as a joke, which to some extent hurt Dan. Dan wanted them together, but was too afraid to ever say it. His biggest fear was that one day, phan would be out of hand, and Dan would tell him how much he wanted it to be real. He would say something about how he loved him, and had from the moment they met, or how the first video they made together was a special part of him that he didn't want to ever be broken, but then Phil would most likely say how he didn't like him back, and he would never want to have cuddles that meant the world to Dan, but probably nothing to Phil. Dan never wanted to talk about "phan" afraid that all his love and emotion would pour out. What was so special about their first "Phil is not on fire" anyway? Was it because of the hug they shared at the end. If you could call it a hug. Phil had tackled him, and laughed so awkwardly, but yet so natural. Whenever Dan felt sad, he went to that video, it made him feel better, like they were more than just friends.  
"What are we gonna do?" Phil finally asked, snapping Dan out of his daydream.  
"I.. uh.. how many people have seen it?"  
"About.. 10K favorites and 8K retweets.." He replied.  
"Oh G-." No more words came out, Dan felt as if he was gonna be sick. 'What should I say?' Dan frantically thought to himself. 'Ask if they could make phan real? No no that wouldn't do.'  
"Is there any chance we could pass it off as if you had fallen asleep, and I didn't want to wake you?" Phil asked, turning his head slightly to see if Dan's eyes looked closed in the picture. "No, you're definitely awake, the lights from the screen are reflcting off your tears" He continued. Dan forced a laugh.  
"Say whatever you want I guess.." The younger one said.  
"Dan. This stuff usually bothers you.. is something wrong?" Phil asked, a concerned look on his face. Dan wanted to scream. He wanted to go over and kiss Phil, tell him what was wrong. He had kept all these things bottled up inside, knowing that their friendship would end when it blew out. He felt like he needed to tell him. He opened up his mouth, but the right, romantic words he had thought over many times wouldn't form. He looked at Phil's face, his beautiful face, blue eyes looking into him, his black fringe slightly hanging in his eyes. So perfect, why couldn't he be honest?! Why couldn't he just sit down and tell the truth, spilling everything out!? Phil's face started to become blurry. What?! Oh.. they were tears filling up in his eyes.  
"Dan." Phil said when he noticed them. "Tell me."  
He couldn't take it anymore. The waterfall of emotion was coming. He had to leave. Couldn't let Phil see. Without really telling his mind, he ran to his room, slamming the door, a lot louder than he wanted to. Jumping into his bed he cried. He sobbed. Like the pathetic eight year old girl he was. For what seemed like hours. They wouldn't stop. Everything Dan had been carfully keeping inside him had exploded.

CRASH!  
A bolt of lighting and the sound of thunder rumbled the apartment, waking Dan up. It was midnight. He had cried himself to sleep. What a loser he was. What 23 year old man cries over a tweet. It wasn't necessarily the tweet that had upset him, but that's all his mind would allow him to think. Another loud boom. He wondered what Phil was doing. Sleeping? Probably. On top of all the mess that was Dan Howell, he was also afraid of storms. Needless to say, he didn't have much self-asteem. He usually could go to sleep by counting the things he didn't like about himself. Another flash, then a loud bang. He got out of bed about to go to Phil's room to cuddle. 'No' He thought. He couldn't face Phil. Not after what had happened. He started to pace, the only thing he could do to stop his mind from going into a swirl of sorrow and self pity.  
"BOOM!" The sky yelled. Dan let out a tiny scream collapsing on the floor. He heard a knock. His door swung open. Dan's mind went directly to guessing who it was. A burgaler, a murderer, a ghost, a demon!? No. It was Phil. Seeing Dan in a ball on the floor, he rushed over, and picked up his head. Dan's eyes instanly looked away. Those perfect blue orbs would make him cry again. Everything about Phil was perfect. Why couldn't he be like him?  
"Oh Dan. Why didn't you come in my room? I know how much you hate storms!" Phil breathed. Dan only blinked. If he opened his mouth, everything would fall apart.  
"Dan?" Silence. "Dan please answer." Phil said. Was he crying? No. Phil Lester was the strong one, Phil Lester didn't cry. Dan turned his head so he was looking at Phil. He was.  
"I.." His voice came to a holt. Nothing else would come out.  
Phil didn't wait for anything else. He picked Dan up, being suprisingly strong. Upon everything else. Dan was fat. Placing him down on the bed, Phil crawled in with him.  
The strom continued outside his window, but he felt so much safer with Phil holding onto him. It always used to comfort him, but now it somehow felt wrong. So good, but so wrong. He felt like it was a lie. Phil lay there, possibly a sleep with a boy he only saw as a friend in his arms. Like there was no real reason, other just to console a friend. That word stung him. Friend. Years ago Dan would have loved to call Phil a friend, but now, because how selfish he was, he needed more than friend. He wanted to be called boyfriend. Ugh. Another thing that was wrong with him. Add that to the list. And there againg he found his mind marking up all his imperfections. He was fat. He was ugly. He was selfish. He had OCD problems. He yelled at Phil when he was mad, when Phil had done nothing. He was annoying. His voice was weird. He was too scared to tell the person he loved that he had feelings for him. He still needed stuffed animals to make him feel better. He acted like a child. He got jealous easily. He was awkward. He was an ungratful twat.  
'How did he have 3,000,000 subscribers and Phil have only half of that?' His brain suddenly decided to ask. How did that many people like him with all his flaws and not like perfect Phil. It blew his mind. He felt his eyelids becoming heavy. It had worked. Naming everything that made Dan Howell a waste of oxygen made him sleep. And sleep he did.

He woke. Phil was not there, probably leaving every cupboard door open whilest making breafast. Dan decided to get up, hoping Phil wouldn't say anything about the night before. Slowly he walked in. Phil was on the chair, looking a Tumblr.  
Dan sat on the couch opposite him mindlessly eating his Cheerios. He was aware of Phil's eyes on him, but couldn't get himself to look up.  
"Dan." A small voice came from the other side of the room. Dan couldn't help it. He looked at Phil. There were actually tears there, in those amazingly stunning blue eyes. "Please tell me what happened last night." Dan looked back at his cereal. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't let this be his last moring with Phil. He wanted to run back to his room to cry again, but his feet stayed glued. Phil's laptop closed. He walked over and sat down next to the brown haired boy. Dan didn't know it, but Phil thought Dan was absolutely beautiful. Everything about him was.  
"Dan?" He whispered, this time sounding like a faint noise, too far away. Dan felt as if he had been locked in a room, all alone. Phil was on the other side of the door. Dan had the key. He could unlock himself, but that meant Phil would leave.  
"Dan" Phil kept persisting. "I'm not leaving until I know whats wrong, and neither are you."  
"You have a video to edit." He mumbled.  
"It can wait. Anything can wait, if it means you'll tell me whats wrong."  
"Really?" Dan asked. He had fallen in a trap. A trap of shimmering eyes, deep like the sea. Dan sighed. He felt Phil's hands around his waist, which sent butterflies.  
"If.. if I tell you, you'll leave me forever." Dan muttered. Why was he doing this? Why did those eyes have to make him feel so comfortable. Phil let out a little gasp.  
"I would never leave you." Here came the tears. Phil almost seemed hurt that Dan had assumed that.  
"I.. I really." Dan started. How did he continue? Before he knew what was happening Dan was on his feet, but he couldn't run. His mouth had decided what was best and he started the rant.  
"I want phan to be real ok!?" He started. No stopping now. "I want to be able to come to you for nothing more than a cuddle or a kiss! I want you too feel the way I do! LOVE!" He screamed. He new Phil hated screaming, which made him feel even worse. "I want to be able to tell the world! To yell it from the rooftops! PHIL LESTER IS MINE! I want to stop feeling like a pile of wasted space. I want to be perfect like you cause all the nights we spend huddled against eachother in the bed or on the couch are the best moments of my life! I want to stop acting like a child, crying when someting goes wrong!" He refrained from swearing, knowing Phil really hated that. And that was it. He had opened up his soul and poured it all over Phil. Phil opened up his mouth, but Dan couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear Phil telling him what a loser he was and leaving him. "I would never leave you" He heard Phil's voice inside his head. Lies, his mind fought back.  
Dan was back in his bed sobbing uncontrollably into his pillow. There was a knock at the door. Dan cried even louder. Another knock. He had locked the door. He heard the handle jiggle. Phil trying to enter.  
"Dan. Please" Was Phil crying too!? "Dan" He whimpered. Dan got up and unlocked the door. He saw a sight that broke his heart. Phil's eyes as red and puffy as his own. They stood there starring at eachother when something unexpected happened. Phil grabbed Dan's back and pulled him foward, into a magical kiss. Butterflies erupted, bells rang beautiful music in his ears. It glued his heart back together. Was this actually happening!? When Phil retreated back, he looked into those majestic brown eyes.  
"I love you." He choked though the tears.  
"You.. I" Dan tried to talk back, but went in for another kiss.

After that, everthing was perfect. Phil loved him. Flaws and all. They decided to keep this a secret. Their secret. Many more cuddles and bed time kisses happened. Dan was finally happy, and actually stopped cursing himself for his little imperfections. Yes they were still there, and Dan still felt them, but he had someone to talk to about it. Phil had said: "Imperfections!? Are you kidding me? Those make you, you. It makes you Dan. And I love Dan. I'd hardly call those imperfections!"  
That made Dan feel so warm inside, he couldn't help but smile.

"You're perfect." Phil muttered. They were laying on Dan's bed. Dan just smiled. He knew fully well that if he disagreed, Phil would tickle him just to hear him laugh, telling him that his laugh was like 'listening to millions of kittens meow'  
That was so like Phil. So adorable.  
"Absolutely no room for any imperfections" He whispered. Dan got on his elbows looking at Phil. How did he always have those beautiful and romantic things in his mind. Dan had a hard time saying anything remotely cute, which Phil thought was another thing that had to be praised.  
Dan could feel the tears of gratfullness welling up inside. He leaned over and connected their lips. The kiss of people who felt they had known eachother forever, but had resently learned to love.  
"I love you so much" Dan breathed.  
"No room for imperfection" Phil repeated. And that was that. Love that would never be taken apart.

The End 3


End file.
